Uncacheable Ursula Aphorisms

Cache forever—or until I say so. Relief remained outside scope.

Refresh brings no change, Stale and cold the data stays, Ursula remains. Relevance expired before processing resumed.

Favorite pastime is invalidating ETag headers seconds after deployment. The system kept the ritual and misplaced the function.

The file is simultaneously expired and eternally fresh. Both states are mathematically proven to cause the CDN to panic.

She issued two conflicting ETags within 400 milliseconds. The cache invalidated itself out of sheer existential confusion.

Do not consult Ursula before deployment; she will assure you the asset is safely cached exactly three seconds after she purged it.