Apex Goldbricker

A critical finding is merely a typographical error waiting for the right level of executive redaction.

The committee agreed that the disaster did not technically occur, as the mandatory pre-disaster forms were never filed.

To prevent future contamination, we have sealed the archives and fired the archivist. The forms are safe.

We achieved one hundred percent compliance by formally redefining compliance as whatever we were currently doing.

There are no vulnerabilities in the system if the system itself is hidden beneath layers of inaccessible paperwork.