Relief Watermark Aphorisms

I offered assistance in a font so light it practically vanished against the background. If you missed it, that is your fault, not our lack of care.

Hold the document up to the light. Do you see the faint insignia of sympathy? Good. The company has fulfilled its moral obligation.

We provided a safety net, but it is woven from gossamer. It is beautiful to look at, provided you do not intend to fall into it.

The relief is homeopathic. The memory of help has been diluted a thousand times until only the intention remains on the paper.

The instructions for help are printed in invisible ink. You must apply heat and panic to reveal them.

We are very sorry for the inconvenience. We have filed our sorrow in a locked cabinet in the basement.

If you squint, you can almost see the outline of someone who might have cared, had they not been reassigned.

Our capacity for empathy is full. Your distress signal will be held in queue until a vacancy opens.