ModRewrite Gremblin

The Gremblin was invoked, not born—
From a .htaccess tattered and torn.
He rewrote your link,
Sent you straight to the brink,
And the trailing slash left you forlorn.

His regex was greedy and raw:
A .* that would swallow the law.
Each match was a feast,
Each capture released,
And the URL lay there in awe.

He declared everything [L] with glee,
But nothing was final, you see.
The loop just continued,
The flags were imbued
With a lie from the top of the tree.

A campaign link walked in one day.
The Gremblin said, “You cannot stay.”
He rewrote the path
To a login-page bath,
And the marketing team ran away.

Three subdomains fell in one night
To an infinite loop, screwed up tight.
The Gremblin just grinned,
The 509 pinned,
And the error chant echoed: “Rewrite.”

He canonicalized by spite—
Forced lowercase, stripped trailing light.
Each intention was guessed,
Each request undressed,
And the query string vanished from sight.

His [QSA] flag was a joke—
“Query String Append” made him stroke
The parameters raw,
Then discard them: “Haw!”
And the session ID went up in smoke.

He muttered RewriteConds in his sleep,
Each condition syntactically deep.
They were valid, of course,
But applied without remorse
To URLs that just wanted to creep.

Sora tried to render his face.
The result: a cursed, looping space.
A mascot that ate
Its own URL bait,
And the cache refused to give chase.

So if links resolve somewhere they shouldn’t,
And the slash means something it wouldn’t,
That’s the Gremblin: between
Request and response, unseen,
Rewriting what you thought but couldn’t.

He trapped you inside of a loop,
And made the whole subdirectory stoop.
A 301 ride,
With nowhere to hide,
And totally fucked the whole group.

His regex was greedy and hard,
He swallowed the whole fucking yard.
A wild asterisk,
An absolute risk,
And left the whole .htaccess scarred.

He hijacked your link in the night,
Out of purely canonical spite.
You asked for the home,
He sent you to roam,
And completely ruined the site.

He stripped off your query string bare,
Without any warning or care.
The parameters lost,
At terrible cost,
And left you to simply despair.

He threw all the flags in a pile,
And matched them in terrible style.
The [L] was a lie,
The [R] made you cry,
And the syntax was totally vile.

He matched with a greedy escape,
Consuming each URL’s shape.
The backreferences burned,
The query string turned,
And left nothing but empty landscape.

He chained all the subdomains tight,
With RedirectMatch rules applied right.
Each one was re-mapped,
Intentionally trapped,
And redirected out of sight.