Ribbon Latency

We’re cutting the ribbon today,
For a project that’s gone to decay.
The mood has gone home,
But we’re snapping a chrome,
And pretending it isn’t so gray.

The launch was a massive mistake,
And the software is completely fake.
But the Ribbon is here,
With an artificial cheer,
While the rest of us quietly ache.

The excitement had died in the fall,
But the Ribbon arrived for the ball.
We cheered at the snipping,
While the server was tripping,
And nobody gave a fuck at all.

The ribbon experienced lag
The server was holding the bag
We waited a year
With procedural fear
And printed a meaningless tag

The latency swallowed the file
We sat at the desk for a while
The ribbon was red
The system was dead
We lost our procedural smile

A delay in the ribbon of grace
Erased every bit of the trace
The human was flawed
The logic outlawed
The error was taking its place

We measure the latency well
It feels like a digital hell
The ribbon is slow
With nowhere to go
We’re waiting to hear the old bell

The latency ribbon is long
The metric is totally wrong
We wait in the queue
With nothing to do
And sing a procedural song